Perhaps one of the most elusive concepts in marriage is discovering that love is not so much a feeling as it is something we do. That’s right, to love someone else is most often the result of a decision we make, a conscious choice, rather than a feeling from down deep inside. Perhaps an example would help clarify this concept.
Let’s suppose that being punctual is really important to Tom and not so much for Becky. Let’s say Tom & Becky have a dinner date with another couple and Becky is running late. Tom’s typical response might be to get agitated and he may even say something to reflect this agitation to Becky like, “You’re always late. Why can’t you try harder to be on time?” Most of us know how this is going to end – probably with a very unpleasant evening for both of them.
But what if instead of his typical reaction, Tom were to make a decision to step out of his normal pattern of behavior and make a decision to love Becky despite his irritation? He might choose instead to call their friends and let them know they’re running a little behind. He can then calmly turn to Becky and assure her that she has a few more minutes to finish getting ready as he’s already alerted their guests. This response is likely to generate more love and acceptance between them and make for a much more pleasant evening together.
The decision to love, the response that does not always come naturally or easily, is one of the best ways married couples can develop greater trust, intimacy, and joy in their marriage. Making decisions to love over and over again in a marriage, leads married couples to lasting joy and unity. For more information on creating a joy-filled marriage, please visit our website:www.lovemoredeeply.org
